With the number of dead British soldiers in the Afghanistan/Iraq theatres mounting it is an interesting fact that Prime Minister Tony Blair has so far been conspicuous by his absence from any military funeral.

He did, however, find time to do some shmoozing at Monday night’s Adidas party in the Sky Bar of the Mondrian Hotel, Hollywood, with the likes of Stevie Wonder, Snoop Dogg and several Premiership footballers.

This, according to the Guardian’s Tim Dowling, is what went down.

The prime minister sips a cocktail while admiring the view. Snoop Dogg approaches.

Snoop Dogg: Yo, Blair.

Tony Blair: You know, I really wish people would stop saying that, it’s just … oh, hello. Puff Daddy, is it?

SD: Call me Snoop.

TB: Always changing your names, you lot. Can’t keep up.

SD: Fo’ shizzle ma nizzle.

TB: Hmm.

SD: Dat middle east bizzle is out of control.

TB: Well, it not quite as simple as that, you see.

SD: Need a immediate ceasefire, multinational security force in South Lebanon, political framework for a lasting settlement.

TB: Yes, of course. I’m down with that, obviously [attempts a complicated handshake with Snoop. Snoop declines].

SD: You need to get Bush to move on this, him and Condolizzle, got to do the bizzle.

TB: Well I am hoping to persuade them to take a more …

SD: Can’t be the president’s bitch all the time.

TB: Look, I don’t think it’s fair to say I’m his bitch. I find the insinuation, frankly, rather whack.

SD: Time to rethink the whole strategizzle, put together a new agenda on poverty, trade, climate, whatever. All that shit.

TB: Which is, I think you’ll find, more or less what I told the World Affairs Council just …

SD: The World Affairs Council is WAC. Marinate on that, prime mizzle.

TB: Obviously I’ll be marinating on a lot of things between now and … perhaps you’d like to come to Britain in the near future to discuss these ideas further, perhaps speak at the party conference like my close personal friend Bono.

SD: No can do. My boyz got into it at Heathrow duty-free and I been banned.

TB: That was you? You’re Ice T?

SD: I’m a Diet Sprite actually, but if you’re goin to the bar …

[The prime minister leaves to talk to Vidal Sassoon]

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