As I think I’ve said elsewhere, I’m not the world’s greatest football fan and, as a member of the Celtic races, I couldn’t claim to be exactly patriotic when it comes to ENGERLAND.

However, I was in London working all last week and I caught the last yawnings of Saturday’s match (Eng V Portugal; Portugal beat the shit out of Engerland) in the bar of my hotel.

The place was packed with English people watching the match.

But what really made my day (apart from the score, that is) was that all the staff were, you got it, Portugese.

I couldn’t have planned it better.

As an aside, while the match was on I was reading a lounge copy of the Irish Times, in which there was an article about how the Irish Dental Association has issued a warning to people who use toilet bleach to whiten their teeth (apparently the habit is rife in Ireland).

Well, listen up folks: DON’T DO IT, IT’S DANGEROUS.

Also, according to the article, it’s not a good idea to open beer bottles with your teeth; they tend to break (the teeth that is).

Well now, there’s a thing.